


Hotter Than Satan's Left Testicle

by zarabithia



Category: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2019-03-31 22:30:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13984662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: Jason and Roy fuck and argue over which of their brothers has shittier taste in men.





	Hotter Than Satan's Left Testicle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cero_ate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cero_ate/gifts).



> 1\. Jason's hatred of Kyle is not my own! It's his. See "Countdown."  
> 2\. As always, DC canon is a loose suggestion, but it is primarily still pre-52 canon.

“It’s hotter than Satan’s left testicle.” 

Roy lifted his head to look down at Jason, still naked and taking up the entirety of the fan’s offerings. “Look, I offered to go slow. Somebody insisted that i needed to ‘hurry the hell up’ -”

“That hardly would have made any difference when it’s 200 degrees outside,” Jason argued stubbornly. “Fuck California. Your family is worse than mine by virtue of living in California alone.” 

Roy flopped his head back onto he bed. “I spent my early years in the desert. This is amateur hour, fragile Gotham boy.” 

“I’m fragile now, am I?” 

“And anyway,” Roy continued, ignoring him, “Your brother sometimes fucks Slade Wilson, so your family will always win suckage contests.” 

“Bitter much, Harper?” 

“Bitterness is my anti drug, so yes… wait, were you dead during the whole ‘anti drug’ thing?” 

Jason’s shoulder shook slightly, the only indication that he found any humor in the conversation. Roy happened to catch sight of those shoulders moving, and he didn’t bother hide his own grin. Nobody ever yearned for the scream of a hawk, but every now and then, Jason forgot that he wasn’t a morning bird, and those songs were still sweet.

“Anyway,” Jason continued, “Your brother’s off fucking Rayner. That’s worse.” 

“Worse than Slade Wilson?” Roy scoffed in indignation that was almost fake. “Hardly.”

“Fucking yes. Wilson gave the world Rose Wilson, who is badass and hot. What the fuck has Rayner done? Ever? Besides cry a lot about Donna not wanting to fuck him anymore?” 

“You need to let that go.” 

“You need to let go of the time that Dick chose Wilson cock over Harper cock.” 

“Times. Plural.” 

Jason let out a startled, choked sound. “Christ, you have bigger Grayson issues than i do.” 

“Well, I mean, i am fucking his brother on the side, so …” 

“You screwing Tim, too? Rude of you not to invite me along, Harper.” 

Roy doesn’t hold his laugh in. “If I wanted to fuck a Robin who wished I was someone else, I could still go fuck Dick.” 

“I’m gonna tell Dinah you need a hug.” 

“I’m gonna tell Dinah you think Kyle is worse than Slade Wilson,” Roy retorted. “She thinks he’s a very nice man.” 

“I’d rather bottom for Kilowag,” Jason said sincerely. “I’d rather fuck Gardner, film it and send it to BAtman.”

“You’d do that for fun anyway,” Roy interrupted, lazily slipping an arm under his head to rest on. The pillows at Dinah’s place were always too soft.

“… Maybe. I’d rather fuck Jordan and Ollie at the same time than fuck Rayner.” 

“You may never get a blowjob again,” Roy threatened. 

Jason considered this. “I didn’t say that I was going to. Just that if the choice to fuck someone other than you or the universe gets blown up…. I’d choose them over Rayner.” 

“Is there anyone you wouldn’t choose over Rayner, in case of potential universe destruction?” 

Jason sat up and stretched, a light layer of sweat clinging to every inch of his chest. Roy momentarily forgot what they were even discussing. 

“The Joker, probably. Batcow, probably.” 

“Probably?” 

“I am sincere when I say this, Roy, but I’d rather suck Satan’s left testicle than ever see that asshole naked.” 

Roy looked at the physical perfection beside him and grinned slowly. “I have a better idea.”


End file.
